One can’t comprehend what anxiety does to people. For me, it snatches away all the confidence I have. It just does. It makes me question everything. It does not matter if we’ve been friends for 2 months or 2 years, my anxiety makes me believe that you’ll leave me. And what do I do?
I leave you before you can. I run far from compassion & saving. I make a wall around me & let no one in. I yearn to be loved, yet I flinch. I don’t want to cut people off. But I can’t control it. There are nights I break down over the minutest of things.
It makes us question every conversation and every gesture. We’re over-analyzing everything, not out of choice. And it drives us crazy. The next day, we’re fine. We’re fine as though nothing ever happened. But it physically tires us out. People won’t even realize the impact.
Yes, I talk about my mental health because it needs to be talked about. People who know me acknowledge me as a “happy-go-lucky” girl. It’s not a farce either. When I’m happy, I am. But when the anxiety hits, I’m a different person. And the worst thing is that you can’t predict when it’ll happen. Anything can be a trigger. For me – a smell, a date, a song or simply a color. Anything can trigger it, and I start shivering and fearing about doomsday.
It’s all internal. People around won’t even realize that we’ve zoned out. It’s that bad. If you have someone who’s suffering from anxiety, get them help. PLEASE. Break the stigma.