Don’t Be That Person!

Toxic relationships often don’t seem toxic at all. Instead they are often in the form of the most perfect relationship. It’s all hunky-dory and rosy for a while. That’s mainly till things are going their way. And once that stops happening – reality hits you hard.

Here’s the thing – the red signals are always present. It’s just that we tend to ignore it because “Kya zaroorat hai”. What I’m speaking about is consent and intimacy.

Here’s the thing, men. A girl doesn’t owe you intimacy. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been in a relationship for a month, a year or decades together – she can say no to intimacy and you HAVE to be okay with it.

I’ve seen people playing the “But, intimacy is important to sustain a relationship.” and I think that’s utter nonsense. If you care for your hormones more than your partner, you don’t deserve a partner. If she stiffens up or says “No” – either through words or body language, STOP.

There’s nothing called “The moment”. That’s utter nonsense again. Spontaneity doesn’t count for anything if your partner isn’t comfortable.

Don’t be that person!

There’s no time frame for intimacy. It might take a day, a week, a month or more for her to be ready for intimacy. You can’t say “We’ve been dating for a month, how’re you not ready?” 

Don’t be that person!

Also, just because she kisses you and takes the first step also doesn’t mean she owes you sex. It stops where she says it stops. Don’t say “Oooh why do you tease when you don’t want to do it?”

NO ONE. OWES. YOU. SEX.

Don’t be that guy! 

I have the hugest intimacy issues, because well.. issues! It has impacted me in the most fundamental way. So much so that I’m the person who still wants to wait till I marry before I have sex. Unreal, right?

In such a situation, it’s NOT that I don’t want to be intimate. It’s that my mind stops me. Yes, I might kiss you first, even cuddle. But after a month, my mind says ABORT MISSION. For men, apparently I’m “leading them on!”

Don’t be that person! 

So, yeah I’m pretty much done with men because my experience with them have been more of them being insensitive and not understanding me or my mental health or my intimacy issues. You saying “Don’t generalize” won’t help because most men have been complete asses to me.

For the longest time, I thought I was going wrong somewhere. I really did. We as women tend to do that but I soon realized, Bhai no! And then the game changed. 

Men will try to coerce you into guilt for not wanting to get intimate. Ask them to kripya fuck off. You don’t owe an explanation on WHY you don’t want to get intimate. You really don’t, sweetie. If they’re worth it, they’ll stay. Otherwise, they’ll fade away.

You deserve every ounce of love, respect and patience. Don’t settle for anything less.

Yes, before you ask – men too don’t  owe anyone intimacy. They shouldn’t  be coerced into it, either. Don’t @ me.

I’m sure that there’ll be tons of men jumping on to this conversation with “Buuuut men might want sex” and “Don’t men’s feelings count???????” but please, don’t be that person!

Cheers! 

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